The Media Got It Wrong

You've all heard by now that Ted Kennedy suffered from seizures and it was discovered that he had a malignant brain tumor.

I don't think you're going to find this news anywhere else but I have heard from authoritative sources that the story was reported falsely.

The tiny lump that they removed from his skull was really his brain and the only healthy tissue he had. It turns out that Ted Kennedy is malignant!

After years of suppression by alcohol and strangling our freedoms, his brain attempted to assert itself but it was too late. Now the malignancy is complete since his brain has been removed. I can only hope that this trauma (meaning Ted, not the seizures) has now been rendered incapable of inflicting any more damage on the American people by the heroic and ultimately fatal efforts of his brain.