Friday, October 21, 2005

Difster's Rules Of The Road

  1. Put on your turn signal BEFORE you start changing lanes, not when you're half way through your lane change.
  2. If you're in the car pool lane, go faster than the traffic in the fast lane next to you. If you don't want to do that, there is no point in being in the car pool lane. Furthermore there is no requirement that you drive in the car pool lane because you're not alone in the car.
  3. I expect to get cut off once in a while but don't give me the finger because you cut me off; it makes no sense. I didn't cause you to cut me off.
  4. Unless you are an on-duty law enforcement officer in his proper jurisdiction, DO NOT attempt to regulate my speed by speeding up to block my lane change. I WILL cut you off and/or force you out of your lane.
  5. The cost of your vehicle has no bearing whatsoever on your privilege to use the road. I give no more deference to a Mercedes than I do to a Dodge Neon.
  6. When pulling out of a parking lot, please accelerate. You're on the thoroughfare now, parking lot speeds no longer apply.
  7. If you are an Asian woman over the age of 40, your driving privileges are immediately and permanently revoked.
  8. If you are over the age of 70, your driving privileges are immediately and permanently revoked without regard to race, gender or sexual predilection.
  9. Don't get mad at the guys on motorcycles that split lanes. The space between cars IS a lane to someone on a bike. If you open your door to scare them, expect to get the living crap beat out of you.
  10. Just freaking pay attention, the life you save may be mine.
***UPDATE: Proof that I was right on #8