Monday, November 06, 2006

Tales Of On Line Dating

A friend of mine has recently signed up with one of the Internet dating services. She's had a couple of interesting experiences so far. Here is one of them. Names have been changed to protect the innocent (my friend) but not the not-so-innocent (her date).

Lisa had 3 dates with Mike. She thought he was a nice enough guy but she really just was not very interested in continuing to see him. She just wasn't feeling any chemistry but she gave it an honest try. At the end of the third date, he asked to kiss her. She said yes. Quick kiss but then he tried leading her to the bedroom. She wasn't having any of that. Lisa is morally upstanding Christian woman.

So, Lisa tells me that Mike left her a message the next day about going out. She's afraid of hurting someone's feelings so she was putting off calling him back. I told her she should call him back, be polite but firm, give him a compliment but tell him she's not interested and just doesn't see it going anywhere.

I was at Starbucks with Lisa on Wednesday evening, her phone rang and it was Mike. I gave her a stern look and told her she should take the call. She did. She handled the situation with grace and aplomb. She did her best to avoid hurting his feeling but made it clear she really wasn't interested. I could tell that he was trying to talk her out of her decision so under my breath I told her not to let him argue with her. She extracted herself from the situation and managed to hang up. I was telling her that she did a fine job and that she shouldn't worry about hurting his feelings. Delaying the inevitable would only cause more damage later.

As we were discussing it, her phone rang again. Mike was calling back. "Do NOT answer that phone," I told her. She listened to the message. "Lisa, I felt that our conversation ended badly, I'd really like to sit and talk to you about this." Hmm..... what part of "I'm not interested," did he not understand?

About a minute after that, she gets a text message. "Please call me." This is getting pathetic.

A couple of minutes after that, she gets yet another text message: Lisa, you're breaking my heart - don't you see any potential here? I really think you're wonderful. Can't we at least meet for coffee?"

I can understand this behavior is you're trying to convince someone you've been in a relationship with to reconsider. They only had three dates though.

So, guys (girls too I suppose), after a couple of dates, you might get turned down for any future dates with that person. Accept it. Move on. This is especially true when you're finding your dates through a dating site. There are lots of other people willing to go on dates; all you have to do is contact them.

There is also another story of Lisa getting turned down by someone she was interested in and I'll post that next time. The rejection voice mail is blog worthy.

BTW - I have Lisa's permission to post these things.