Tuesday, August 02, 2005

National Food Program

Since there is a high likelihood that the Lizard Queen will run for POTUS in 2008 the issue of Communist Health Care will not only be back on the table, it will dancing like an Okinawa stripper when a WESTPAC hits port.

I've got a great idea.

Rather than nationalize health care, let's just nationalize food. Food is a critical resource and we certainly can't live without it. How can we possibly continue to leave the production and distribution of such a critical resource in private hands?

If FedGov was in charge of all growth and production of food it would benefit us in many ways:

  • Only food that met strict government dietary standards would be distributed and health care costs would drop dramatically.
  • Poor people would have access to the same food that rich people have. I believe this is known as social justice.
  • It would take all of the profit out of these evil Big Food companies. The fatcat Big Food execs would have to get real jobs. I believe this is known as economic justice.
  • The money we currently spend on food could be better put to use in the economy. Welfare recipients could spend it on other necessities like digital televisions that will be mandatory in 2009.
  • Since everyone will be receiving their food for free, recurrent will shut down thus freeing up massive amounts of land for public housing projects and food storage warehouses.
  • Illegal immigration will nearly disappear. Since there would be no private farmers to pick crops for, they would have no reason to come here. The guest worker program would be tailored to suit agri-workers so that if they worked in government farms for seven years, they'd be granted citizenship.
I know what you're thinking, people can still grow their own food and there will be a huge black market for non-government food. Fear not, the Department of Homeland Security will crack down on all of the food terrorists out there trying to subvert the system. Felonious farmers will be in prison with the drug dealers and murderers.

There's really no down side to this plan. If we're not feeding our families we can focus on more important issues like making sure our children fully embrace homosexuality and abortion.