The Crazy English Language

The native speakers of any language don't always give a lot of thought the construction of the language itself. I came across this item and I wanted to share it with you. Those of who grew up speaking English have no trouble pronouncing these words the right way but it must be a nightmare for those who have learned English later.

Dedicated to Eleanor:

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present ..
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why don't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is up.

It's easy to understand up, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake up? At a meeting, why does a topic come up? Why do we speak up and why are the officers up for election and why is it up to the secretary to write up a report?
We call up our friends. And we use it to brighten up a room, polish up the silver, we warm up the leftovers and clean up the kitchen. We lock up the house and some guys fix up the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir up trouble, line up for tickets, work up an appetite, and think up excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed up is special.

And this up is confusing: A drain must be opened up because it is stopped up. We open up a store in the morning but we close it up at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed up about up! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of up, look the word up in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes up almost 1/4th of the page and can add up to about thirty definitions. If you are up to it, you might try building up a list of the many ways up is used. It will take up a lot of your time, but if you don't give up, you may wind up with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding up. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing up. When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things up. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry up.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it up, for now my time is up, so.......... it is time to shut up .....!

Oh . . one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night? u-p

Suicidal SUV

Under the pressure of increased gas prices, it must have lost its will to live:

LOS ANGELES — One person has been killed and four others injured when an SUV tumbled down a steep slope in the Hollywood Hills.

Fire Department spokesman Brian Humphrey says the passenger car went off the road just before 8 a.m. Monday in Laurel Canyon. The car plunged between 75 and 100 feet down a hillside and came to rest upside down against a carport.

Humphrey says a man in his 70s was trapped in the vehicle and died at the scene. Four others were taken to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, including a 1-year-old boy with moderate injuries. A woman in her 30s was in grave condition.

It wasn't immediately known who was driving the vehicle or if the victims were related.

Expect More of This

I think the public might be starting to wise up when it comes to murdering citizens. Two police in Long Beach, CA were trying to subdue a man who was acting erratically (not a crime the last time I checked). They could not subdue him with batons and supposedly these officers feared for their lives and one of the shot the man several times and killed him.

Apparently the crowd didn't care for this behavior by the cops and they had to call for backup because they thought they might get attacked by the people they are supposed to "serve and protect."

The story doesn't say why the man was acting sporadically, there is no mention of him being on drugs, etc. but it also doesn't say he was suspected of any type of crime. Not that i trust the court of public opinion that much but it takes quite a bit to get a group of otherwise peaceful citizens to get riled up against the police.

Maybe it won't be too long now before a couple of cops get a full public beat down for an unjustified shooting.

I've no doubt the police will find it was a fully justified shooting and the cops will escape any discipline. In the mean time, the shooter will get a paid vacation while there is an "investigation."

Interesting Tidbit

I discovered today that Lysol removes pine sap from your hands rather quickly. Have you ever tried to wash that stuff off? If you had enough of that stuff on your hands, you could be Spiderman; it's horrible.

Soap never gets rid of pine sap and there just happened to be a can of Lysol sitting on the bathroom sink (infer from that what you will) and figured I might as well give it a shot. Not only did it get rid of the pine sap, it left my hands smelling country fresh! Actually, I rinsed it off, so not really.

Sometime over the summer, half a dozen of you are going to get pine sap on your hands (or in your kids hair) during some outdoor adventure and you'll be wracking your brains for hours trying to remember what it was Dif recommended to remove that stuff.

The End of Ted Kennedy?

We can only hope! Far be it from me to wish for another man's death or illness however I cannot say I'm terribly sorry that he has had a couple of strokes. If that moron doesn't have the opportunity to cast one more vote or introduce one more piece of legislation, I'll be very happy.

I'm sure Mary Jo Kopechne's parents are thrilled at the prospect that he might be in the hospital suffering.

It might be the end of Ted Kennedy but I'm sure who ever replaces him won't be much better.

An Elite Force of...

BAKERS!

Following up on the post before last titled "Why Would They?" it looks like the OPEC nations won't even help one of their own. Egypt, a predominately Muslim nation that does not have the oil money that the Emirates have doesn't really care to help out their Islamic neighbor.

In response to the food crisis in Egypt, the Egyptian Army has been called to to bake and distribute bread according to a story on Fox.

With the Egyptian Army tied up in the kitchen, maybe now would be a good time for Israel to storm the Gaza Strip and retake it from Hamas since Egypt is too preoccupied to help defend it. An army travels on its stomach.

Election Thoughts

I was talking with a friend of mine over the weekend and we were discussing the possibilities for McCain's VP choice. We really couldn't think of anyone that could run with him that wouldn't hurt his campaign. Then a name popped in to my head and it seems to make sense. Joe Lieberman.

In the interest of full disclosure, the previous prediction for VP didn't exactly turn out the way it should have. In all fairness though, I never expected that McCain would end up with the GOP nomination. Giuliani was the presumptive nominee back at that time and even Romney seemed more viable.

Back to Lieberman. A cross party ticket with a very moderate Democrat could be a great step for McCain who is basically a liberal. It would make sense from a strategic standpoint. He'd siphon a lot of votes away from Hillary/Obama (But I still think Hillary will pull out a victory). As my friend pointed out though, you can't exactly rely on people like McCain to do what makes sense. He's just another Bob Dole and unlikely to end up actually being the President so it may not matter who is VP is. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if he chooses a VP specifically to torpedo his campaign so Hillary wins.

In other news, former Republican Bob Barr is now running running for President on the Libertarian ticket. So, I will dare to make another prediction! I expect that after the Rethuglican nomination officially goes to the aforementioned liberal Republican, Ron Paul will publicly endorse Bob Barr.

I think the best thing to do is just to forget about all of this nonsense and make me dictator for 4 years. Give me the power to make a new Constitution and wipe out all existing laws and legal precedents and we'll be in good shape after that! Kelo? Gone! Roe v. Wade? A bad memory. Dept. of Education? Well, it never served its purpose anyway. You get the drift.

Maybe you should all just contact Bob Barr, I'll settle for being his VP.

Why Would They?

The Secretary General of the United Nations is criticizing the wealthy OPEC countries for not giving enough money to the U.N.'s World Food Program.

First of all, why would Muslim countries give a ton of money to an organization they consider under the control of the infidel? Do you really think the OPEC nations are part of the U.N. because they agree with the overall mission of that organization? No, it's purely political. In fact, I'd guess that those countries have a more realistic view of the U.N. than our own government. We've managed to trick ourselves in to believing that it's a useful and necessary organization.

My second point doesn't have so much to do with the OPEC nations but why should the U.N. or any other governmental authority be in charge of solving the world food crisis. ESPECIALLY given the fact that any prolonged food crises we have is purely political in nature. The abuses and mismanagement by the U.N. are well documented and utterly appaling. Then we want to put them in charge of solving a fake food crises they helped create?

The idea that governments need to take money from its own citizens and send it to citizens of other countries is ludicrous on its face. I'm all for individuals giving of their own volition. In fact, American's are the most charitable people on the face of the Earth! We don't need the government to tell us to help other nations in trouble. Besides that, when governments help other governments, there are always strings attached. The junta regime in Burma is rightly (in a political sense only) rejecting most of the help from the U.N. and especially the United States.

Let's get out of the UN altogether.

***UPDATE***

I just had an additional thought on the subject. When money is taken from taxpayers and used to buy food that would not otherwise have been purchased by the market, it drives prices up. This is because the surplus that would exist without the government purchases would have been sold at a cheaper price because demand would have been down. Therefore, this stupid U.N. organization to solve the world hunger crisis once again, only makes things worse.

A Strange Alliance

I wouldn't normally find myself agreeing with a Muslim wanting to practice her religion in a public school however...

In Germany, a Muslim family sued to keep their daughter out of swim lessons because of Islamic indecency rules. If this happened in the U.S. I wouldn't have much sympathy for the family at all because they'd have the option of just pulling the girl out of school and educating her the way they want to. From the article: "The court sided with the school, saying that the state’s responsibility to educate the girl outweighed an infringement on her religious freedom."

Another way to say that is: "Too bad mom and dad, we really own your children and we will do as we please with them no matter what you want."

Why do I care? I have no interest in this particular family. However, we need to keep watch because we're headed that direction here. A California court ruling that is now under review would have basically made criminals of all parents homeschooling their children. It will probably get overturned.

As a nation, we're increasingly coming under the impression that we, and our children are the property of the government. We let the government assert authority over us it has not historically had nor should it ever have. How long will it be before bringing your kids up as Believer's and rejecting government indoctrination will be seen as a crime? Based on what's going on in Texas, I say it won't be long.

Unintended Consequences

I have no hard data to back this up but I suspect that people are driving slower, using cruise control more and generally not stomping on the gas pedal due to the significant increase in gas prices lately. All well and good for safety but there will be some unintended consequences to higher gas prices and slower drivers.

Municipalities will start losing revenue they have counted on from speedy drivers. I predicts cities will start raising taxes in order to compensate for this (God forbid they should cut their budgets!) They will also start raising the fines to start compensating for the loss.

Insurance companies will make bigger profits because accidents will be reduced due to people driving at safer speeds. The insurance companies will of course be criticized for making more profit during an economically difficult time.

Slower cars mean more actual hours driven which means more smog which will drive the EcoFreaks up a wall. The will continue to spout their global warming nonsense of course but they'll call for extra taxes to compenste for the additional pollution.

These are just a few of the things I can think of at the moment. Any other ideas?

BREAKING NEWS

I have it from a reliable source that a bomb has exploded was found in downtown Culicán, Sinaloa, Mexico. More details as I get them.

**Update**
Oddly enough, there is a story here that says that 70% of calls to the bomb squad in Culicán are false alarms.

**Update II**
A bomb was found, not exploded. Dang, I thought I had my first actual news break!

As Rosanne Rosannadanna would say..... "NEVERMIIIIIND"

Denied!

FoxSnooze is reporting that a town in New Jersey has denied the request of a female police officer to be on light duty while she is pregnant.

They're not being as difficult as it sounds. The city says that the woman can take an unpaid leave of absence if she wants to. I have little doubt there will be a lawsuit over this issue but let's look at it a little closer.

The woman voluntarily became a police officer which she knew was a physically demanding at the very least not to mention dangerous. The woman also chose to have sex and risk pregnancy. It would be easy to say that if someone was injured, on or off the job, they should be allowed to be on light duty during the recovery period. The analogy fails though because pregnancy is a common and predictable outcome of sexual activity. Likewise, if a cop injured himself by racing down hills while riding in a shopping cart, his employer should not be forced to pay him for duties he's not peforming while recovering from his very predictable injuries resulting from reckless behavior.

Sure, the town could CHOOSE to put her on light duty and they should have a clear and consistent policy in regards to temporary disability and recovery periods. If they choose to allow anyone injured for any reason to be put on light duty then fine. But to make an exception for pregnancy is really not equal treatment if men cannot go on light duty for temporary disabilities also.

I'm sure the feminists will be howling mad over this one, but the fact is, she's expecting special treatment, not equal treatment.

Just to be clear, I believe employers and employees should have an absolute right to freedom of association. That means an employee can leave a job for any reason and an employer can hire or fire anyone for any reason. Employment is a contract for exchange of labor between two parties. If the two parties agree to the terms, then the contract is made. If the contract specifies reasons for terminating the contract or places prohibitions on those reasons, that's fine too. But an employee or company should not be forced to retain an employee they no longer desire to employ for reasons not agreed to by both parties.

Maybe

I've been chuckling about this for days. The Spanish word for "maybe" is "quizás."

In Spanish, "qui" is pronounced like "key." The letter 'z' in Spanish is pronounced more like an 's'.

The end result is that 'quizás' is pronounced "keys as" but when I hear it, it actually comes across as "kiss ass."

Worker: "Hey boss! Can I get a raise?"

Spanish speaking boss: "Quizás."

HAHAHAAH - Like I said, I've been laughing about that for days.

SPAM Can Be Amusing

I usually at least review the subject line of my SPAM before I delete it from the bulk mail folder just in case anything legit manages to get through.

This morning the subject of one was: Swanky items for your impeccable lifestyle!

I just thought that was amusing. What impeccable individual things, "Gee, I want something swanky today!"

I'm not sure why I thought that was funny; you probably don't. I don't care.

¿De Pericos?

I've noticed that I have a visitor on my blog from Pericos, Mexico. Please send me an email. Yo tengo la pregunta para usted. My email address is randomguy@gmail.com. Gracias!

***UPDATE***

Nevermind, the mystery has been solved.